Happily Unmarried

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

At home, with myself

After several months of severe sloth in the erstwhile job, and a brief stint of panicky unemployment, looks like I am gainfully employed at last. Just finished a three hour-long training session about a tool called Jake. Sorry if that sounds obscene. But it’s just an… errr…Internet tool.

I’ve been saying that I have a real good feeling about this job and this company and that I’ve never felt better in my six-year work life. But like I figured yesterday, no matter how great the job is, no matter how much fun my friends are, the loneliness always comes marching in the minute I let myself in to the house. On a bad day, it’s almost physical and that’s when I am embarrassed about not appreciating life enough.

Amazing family, wonderful friends, great job, food in the fridge, books on the shelf, at least some crap on TV… and all I think about is how much I hate going home to myself.

On rare days, I am glad for the solitude and thank God that I truly live a privileged life in Bombay. Mind space AND physical space I can call my own in one of the most crowded places on the planet.

But then, I guess it’s a syndrome singles face the world over. An evening with multiple options, but a night when you have to hug the pillow for warmth.

Ps. Shift here no, I. We can rent a place and I promise to cook south Indian food on weekends, clean when my OCD strikes, pay bills after we’ve split it, leave you alone when you are crabby, snap at you when I am, laugh at you, with you, at the world, talk, shut up… You’ve lived on a plateau and in the mountains. High time you tried a city by sea a try.

- H

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