Happily Unmarried

Friday, November 11, 2005

Of Seagull Managers

Our seagull manager was in town for two days - he came, he crapped / faffed on us, he ate our food, he left. Disclaimer - That wasn't my description, that was how the head of HR described him. Can't say that I really disagreed with her.

He came, he gave big, unrealistic ideas, he hopped from one big plan / not-very-workable suggestion to another and he left. They were two days and late evenings spent cocooned in our little corner, discussing the next big thing we will attempt, crunching budgets and HR issues. The outcome: We are all still trying to figure out what that could be.

And ofcourse, how could I not mention the circus that our team put up for the boss's benefit. Here's a sample...

Day 1, Scene 1
Boss: Can you create a web access for an e-mail ID?
Reality and sys admin's answer in other circumstances: How can that be done? It's a local server in Bangalore, it's not on the web. All I can do is redirect the mails to your ID.
BUT answer to boss: Sure! I will create one and send you the link in half an hour!
Me: Did the server have a change of heart and decide to plug itself to the big bad www??!!

Day 1, Scene 3
Boss: I think the design is crappy! We need to have a whole new perspective. And we will need 5 different options.
Vociferous designer's answer in other circumstances: I have spent 2 whole weeks on this design. I am not going to change it. You content people are inefficient and can't make up your minds! And I refuse to give you more than one option.
BUT answer to boss: Yes, I can give you different options by tomorrow. I want our website to be the first to do something radical, something that no one else has done before.
Me: Hellooooo! Haven't we had this argument before?! NO one, not even the leaders in the internet space (Yahoo!, Google, Microsoft), have done this 'radical' thing. And they haven't done it because it's STUPID. Why are we making an effort to give bad user experience? And what's with the ' yes, I can give you different options by tomorrow'?

Day 2, Scene 3
Boss: We will introduce an incentive scheme that will make the team competitive! We will send people on foreign jaunts if they manage to tangibly increase the numbers for their respective channels. We will figure out a way to quantify design and tech. We will blah blah blah blah
Dumb flunky (swivelling on her chair): *Shrill scream* Oops! I forgot to mention that the chairs in office are bad in this morning's HR and admin meeting!! I have fallen down twice. Infact, I know two other people in office who have fallen down from their chairs. The chairs are really not safe, you know?
Boss and everyone else: WHAT? Where did that come from?!
Me: I want to cringe and die! I am not part of any team that SHE is in! I don't want to know her! I don't want to know she exists! I don't even want her to exist!

Ok, the last one gave me my daily dose of giggles yesterday. But the others left me wondering if it was the same bunch I work with everyday. And if I should make the most of the boss's presence (and the team's inability to say 'no') and push for company-paid phone bills, new sexy comp, a workstation away from the dumb flunky, more storage for music on my comp, my old boss etc...

This post has turned out way longer than I expected. I just wanted to get the bitch-bitch-rant-rant out of me so that I can get on with my weekend. And now I think I have bitched enough for the next weekend as well.

- I

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