Happily Unmarried

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Next mood swing in 53 seconds

Disclaimer: People who might have a problem with words like 'uterus', 'ovaries', 'fallopian tubes' etc, do NOT read further.

Umsy and I have always had a closet wish - atleast I have had, which Umsy has endorsed from time to time - which for the first time I am betraying in an almost public forum. Every once in a while, I have wanted to sell or donate my uterus with its side fittings. It's just too much effort to maintain it. I am a fair person: like how I don't need a high-maintenance relationship, I don't need a high-maintenance uterus.

When my ex-man used to run a monthly newspaper, I have asked him almost before every edition if I could include my well-maintained, rarely used, run-only-for-a-few-years uterus with side fittings thrown in for free in the Classified section. My generous offer has been turned down every single time.

For those wondering why the excessive importance given to my uterine wishes, let's just say that I am trying to set some records straight. Sure, women are not as hung up over their reproductive organs as men, but every once in a while, whether we like it or not, we are reminded that they exist. And quite vehemently at that, for some of us.

Do not assume that uteruses are innocuous little things that just lie there, doing almost nothing till a baby comes along. Nope, they are single-handedly responsible for making us feel fat-black-and-ugly, swing between euphoric to totally-shitty every 3 minutes and yell / snap / bite at anyone within 5 feet of us... every single month.

So, well... for those who have stayed this long on the post, here's the offer. I have finally found a place to put up my uterus for sale / donation. Bidders / takers, please contact me. Just make sure you do it in the 53 seconds when I am feeling euphoric.

- I

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